Empathy? Or, Perhaps Lack Of It?

A lot has changed since my last post - I convocated and officially am an MBA - yay!
I made a trip to Toronto and am back in SF now. Both, the events came with at a certain level of weird experience at the border.

I flew back to Toronto for 2 days in order to attend my MBA convocation ceremony. I had a strange feeling in my tummy the entire time I was there. I was nervous that I would be stopped at the border. I am not sure how, but I am always right about these weird feelings. And, bam, here is how the conversation went:

Hitesh:

Officer A: How are you two related?
Hitesh: She is my wife.

Officer: What do you do in the US?
Hitesh: I am a consultant.

Officer: Why are you going to SF?
Hitesh: I am working on a project.

Officer: Please have your left index finger on the machine and take off your glasses for the picture.
Hitesh: Complies.

Officer: Stamps his passport and done!

Shalu:

Officer: How are you two related?
Shalu: (Thinking) "Didn't he just ask us that"?
Shalu: (Talking) We are married.

Officer: Are you on H1B as well?
Shalu: Um no.

Officer: Do you have a visa?
Shalu: (Thinking) "What?? I have a Canadian passport, did the rules change in the last 2 days...I don't need a visa..."
Shalu: (Talking) I don't think I need a visa.

Officer: (patronizing tone) Is that right?
Shalu: (Thinking) "Oh no!the conversation will go downhill from here"
Shalu: (Talking) Well, do I?

Officer: Do you guys live together?
Shalu: (Thinking) "OMG, trick question..trick question...do not answer"
Shalu: (Talking) Well, I am going on a vacation.
Officer: You haven't answered my question.
Shalu: (Talking) I look at Hitesh, who gives me a very charming smile...I keep looking at him, smile, and answer,"Yes, we do!"

Officer: (Expressionless) -> makes a note and sends us for secondary inspection.

As expected, the secondary inspection officer was convinced that since my husband works in the US and that I am a Canadian Citizen, there was no way that I was ever coming back to Canada.

He asked me for a marriage certificate.
He made me buy a return ticket.
He stamped a return date on my passport. As a Canadian citizen, you do NOT get stamped ever. You can visit US conveniently.
He was super friendly after I bought the ticket and adviced me to go on H4!

Well, obviously I was upset. Anyhow, I came back to SF.

A few things happened in that experience that made me wonder whether the officer 's concern was accurate.

• The answer to the question,"Do you two live together?" should have been,"Yes, we did in Canada, but not in the US". Perhaps, that may not have made me look like a liar! However, I felt that it was a catch 22 situation - had I said, "No", he would have argued that we are not married since we did not have our marriage certificate on us.

• Later, I found out that the intent of an H4 and a Canadian visit's to US is pretty close. The officer's concern was that in order to legally stay in US and visit Hitesh many times, I should go on H4 rather than travel as a Canadian.

Perhaps, I should empathize with the officer. For his part, he was ensuring that the number of legal entrants in the US can be tracked down. For his part, he was also ensuring that he "protects" the border. I understand where he is coming from.

Question: Why does US have a NAFTA treaty with Canada and Mexico if it wants people to go on H4? Why is everyone viewed as a threat? I fail to understand how my visiting US as a Canadian citizen any different than being on an H4. I cannot work or do anything else in the US on either of the visas. On the contrary, an H4 encourages me to stay in the US??!?

I am confused.

My intention was to stay until the end of August. The officer was not accurate in his judgment.
I have until the end of July to decide whether or not I want to go on an H4. I wish the officer had empathized with my situation as well - Of course, Hitesh and I live with each other - we are married. Perhaps, a better question from the officer's part should have been,"Where do you guys live?" and not "Do you live with each other?"

Lessons learned from that experience:

A. Never travel without your marriage certificate - a ring on your finger is not enough.
B. Never look at Hitesh while crossing the border and get floored by his smile!

On Leaving Toronto

I have less than 2 weeks left in Toronto.

Although I am sad to move away, I am a little excited to move back to the West Coast.

There are a lot of things that I will miss about Tdot - the hustle-bustle of the city, the eclectic food found in abundance in Toronto, my Rotman friends, being closer to my sister & being able to see each other regularly.....literally everything about the last 2-years of my life in Toronto.

But, you know what -> being flexible is great and being able to pack up your life in boxes is even greater, since success is 90% transformation and 10% luck/hard-work.

How to Increase Your Social Capital

In one of the courses at Rotman, we had a very interesting lecture - "How to increase your social capital". I thought of blogging it down today; the take aways still ring in my head and it will be worthwhile to look back and read the insights somewhere down the line in my career.

"What do you think of a person who dates Mick Jagger, Eric Clapton, Louis Bertignac and Leos Carax?"

I recall answering that this person is on either on drugs, or in the entertainment business.

"What do you think of a person who modeled for Guess, Christian Dior, Versace and Chanel"

Well, this person must work in the fashion industry!

"What do you think of a person who dines with George Bush, Laurent Fabius, and Queen Elizabeth"

This person must be in politics.

It turns out it the same person, who fits the description of everything I just described

Any guesses?


Carla Bruni-Sarkozy!

It turns out that the First lady of France has significantly climbed up the social ladder since the age of 19. Oddly enough, once she became the First Lady of France in 2008, her social capital in the eyes of people went up by 80% while her husband - French President Nicolas Sarkozy's social capital went down by 65%.

The key take-away from the session were:

1. We are recognized by the kind of people we associate ourselves with. In another words, we climb up the social ladder/ corporate world ladder due of our influential associations and not necessarily due to our hard work. It does not mean that we should stop interacting with our "not-so-influential" friends, but it does mean we need to "network" and therefore increase our social capital.
2. The professor also showed us that people who took 15 minutes out of their busy lives to email friends a detailed 2-3 paragraph email did much better in the long run than people, who simply wrote a 3-4 liner email. Essentially, if you "connect" with your friends & family, you will have them around for a much longer time.

Fascinating...ain't it? :)

My MBA Journey Ends Soon

I get done with Rotman on April 29th.

Last 2 years went by very quickly. I consider myself fortunate and smart to have spent the last 2 years in Toronto and at a very good school. We had our Graduation Ball last month - it was fun! Also, it served as a closure to my MBA life.

Someone asked me," Was it worth all the time & money you invested in yourself".
I answered," Absolutely, Yes!"

My personality has transformed at least 85% in the last 2 years. I feel as if I am a new person. I can do a lot of things personally and professionally now (much better than the normal population). Aside from the fact that the MBA has opened my mind, I have also made great friends; I hope to carry them forward in the future.

So what is next?

Our big move to California at the end of May! :)

Wired to Care

Recently, I attended another great Design speaker series at Rotman. Dev Patnaik, founder of Jump Associates spoke on two occasions:-

• About his new book, 'Wired to Care', where Dev emphasized the importance of empathy in order to innovate in both, good and bad times. The book is a great read - totally recommended for every business and human!
  
• A session geared specifically towards students, where students had an open conversation with Dev and Peter (Jump's media/communications person)
  

I must admit I have never in the last 2 years of my Rotman life felt after a session - "Yes, this is the company I would love to work for" so strongly except for this particular company. There were several funny and "aha" moments in that session. The energy in that session was so much cooler than at a cold informational session.

There were 3 instances, which completely blew me away:-

1. Dev and Peter started the session with an exercise called "bam jump" or something with the word "bam" in it, where everyone gathered around in a circle and clapped their hands at "bam". This is pretty unusual in the recruiting world, but an excellent way to stump your audience and connect with them more. It sure made the students relax and connect with both, Dev and Peter. Also, everyone had to count down from 20 to 1 without overlap/repetition with eyes closed. As expected, we had to start from scratch several times, because of the competitive nature of the MBA students. The exercise made me realize, if you can learn to really listen to your audience, you can do wonders for your business.
2. Dev and Peter also performed a 3 questionnaire game: a) Tell me one thing you like about me; b) Tell me something I don't know about you; and c) Tell me one thing you think we agree on - Although the game sounds trivial, it becomes harder after you repeat it 3 times and specially if you have known the person for long. Most importantly, you engage your audience/client through the game.
3. Dev narrated a fascinating story about how he started Jump. He mentioned that he spent about 9 months working on his portfolio, because the company he wanted to work for was not hiring for another 9 months. Once he did interview with them after those 9 months, they loved his portfolio and hired him. Once he started working with this company, he hated them! He left and started Jump, because he felt,"damn it! there is no company around that I want to work for" :)
   

I was very impressed with the fact that both men were extremely transparent in their interaction; a very rare sight in business world.

The entire interaction/session said a lot about Jump's culture and values.
The entire session was also a great opportunity for a great conversation with some very fascinating people.

I am happy that I was a part of it :)

Design Speaker Series at OCAD - Part 2

I was fortunate to attend another great Design speaker series at OCAD on February 11th, 2009 - Larry Keeley, co-founder of Doblin spoke at the series.

Some interesting points that surfaced from his talks were:

1. Innovation is not simply about products; it is about platforms.
2. Build platforms that manage complexity.
3. Designers should be good at cataloging the unfamiliar.
4. Designer imagine and pursue what could be, instead of what is.
5. Empathize with people and situations.

Most importantly, platforms transcend enterprises, industries, and political borders.

I enjoyed Larry's talk, there was another piece of information that raised my curiosity - OCAD is offering a Masters in Design, starting September 2009!

No-no, I am done with school for now (at least for this year), but I think if an opportunity presents itself in a few years, it could be worthwhile to explore a degree in Design - I wonder how my life would have changed had I been at OCAD, instead of at Rotman!

Design creates emerging possibilities - I hope to be a part of these possibilities through my future career.

Design Speaker Series at the Ontario College of Arts & Design (OCAD) - Part 1

On January 29th, 2009, Hitesh & I heard Jane Fulton Suri - Creative Director at IDEO speak at a Design Speaker Series at OCAD.

IDEO ranks high in my list of prospective employers. Jane was a very balanced speaker. She spoke about using empathy and a human centered perspective to solving problems in designing/improving:

1. Product
2. Space
3. Service
4. Strategy
5. Organization

During the Q & A, she made a comment that echoed in my head - Hire Curious People!
Well, that certainly is true in today's world.

Jane's book - "Thoughless Acts?" is pretty interesting. It is based on observations on intuitive design.

Lately, I have been intrigued by Design, User Empthay, and User experience approach beyond my expectations. I strongly believe in," if you want something bad, the entire universe conspires in your favor".

Let's watch the rate at which the Universe will bring me closer to my goals :)