Decisions, decisions, and decisions!

I am a mental wreck these days - confusion or blurriness of thoughts is making me extremely moody. I am loosing my sanity!

A few years back, I told Hitesh I would move to US with him once I get my citizenship. It is about that time now. This means, I should not apply for jobs in Canada. It also means that I should start building my network within US, which is a little hard to work on while physically being present in Toronto.

I started off great - I have been slowly building my network. First week into school, and bam! reality hits me. I see my classmates applying for jobs through Rotman's postings, I see jobs getting posted that I would like to apply to, and I see people getting intereviews.

Result 1: Temptation to apply to jobs!
Result 2: US economy's condition - would moving to US be a good desicion?
Result 3: Extreme irritation with everything in this world.
Result 4: Extreme sadness on the decision to move away from Canada.
Result 5: I am sad that my sister & I will once again be living in different cities.

For the last 4 days, I have been all over the place in my head and am unable to think straight. Today, I applied to 3 jobs through Rotman's posting. I feel like a horrible person - not letting Hitesh know what I am doing. In addition, I am ruining someone else's chances of getting short-listed for interviews.

Well, I could say that I should be selfish and at least apply and see how things move along.

Today I asked myself,"what is the worse thing that could happen to me?"
It could very well happen that I'd be unemplyed after an MBA. That scared the hell out of me! Also, US economy could be down the drain when I graduate, so it would be even worse.

Biggest Hindrance:
I am bound by time - when we put time constraints on ourselves, we tend to get nervous if the time seems to go by fast. 8 months seems like a short-time.

I feel so unhappy even while writing this post - I hope I am able to clear my head and think through my future plans.

On the brighter side, life will be so much happier if we move to San Fransciso - I shall be able to breathe the ocean air yet again :)